One evening last week, my wife and I got into bed. We were fooling around, the passion started to heat up, when she suddenly says: “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” I said, “WHAT? Then what was all that about?!?” Then she uttered the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re just not in touch enough with my emotional needs as a woman, for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

She saw my puzzled look and said, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not for what I do in the bedroom?” Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I decided to take the day off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her “we’ll just buy them all”. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”She was almost nearing ecstatic satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.” I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.” Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT??!!!” 

Then I said, “Really, honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch enough with my financial needs as a man, for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”