TXT: Doris went to the DMV

An 85-year-old woman named Doris walked into the DMV to renew her driver’s license.

The clerk checked her file, then looked up in surprise. “Ma’am, it says here you’ve been driving for 65 years and you’ve never had a single traffic violation. No speeding tickets, no accidents, not even a parking ticket!”

Doris smiled proudly. “That’s right, young man. I started driving when I was 20, and I’ve been careful ever since.”

“That’s very impressive,” the clerk said. “But at 85, I have to ask… do you still feel confident behind the wheel?”

Doris straightened her shoulders. “Absolutely! I drive to bingo, the grocery store, church, and everywhere else I need to go. My eyes are sharp, my hands are steady, and my reflexes are just fine.”

The clerk handed her a vision test. “Alright, let’s begin with your eyesight.”

Doris leaned into the machine. “I see a big E… then an F… and a P.”

“Good,” said the clerk. “Now read the second row.”

Doris squinted. “Hmm… that one looks like a Q. Or maybe an O. No, wait… it might be a bicycle.”

The clerk frowned. “Ma’am, there are only letters on the chart.”

Doris waved him off. “I know, dear. But when you’ve driven as long as I have, you learn to interpret things.”

The clerk sighed and moved on. “Let’s test your reaction time. When I tap the desk, clap as fast as you can.”

He tapped.

Doris didn’t move.

He tapped again.

Still nothing.

After half a minute, Doris finally clapped.

“Was there a delay?” the clerk asked.

“No,” Doris said. “I was finishing my tea. You should never rush Earl Grey.”

Just then, another worker rushed in. “Mrs. Doris, your car is blocking four spaces, there’s a shopping cart under the bumper, and your left blinker has been on for twenty minutes!”

Doris gasped. “That must be someone else’s car!”

“It’s a bright pink Cadillac with a ‘Bingo Queen’ sticker.”

Doris paused. “Alright, maybe it’s mine.”

The clerk said gently, “Ma’am, maybe it’s time to stop driving.”

Doris smirked. “Young man, I will stop driving the day I can’t remember where I put my keys.”

The worker said, “Ma’am, your keys are in your hand.”

Doris laughed. “Well, then I guess I’m still good to go!”

And with that, she shuffled out the door, got in her car, and promptly drove off—with her left blinker still flashing.

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