The Navy realized it had too many officers, so it announced a special early-retirement program. The deal sounded simple: $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight…

A man came home from work one evening, opened the front door, and barely had time to put down his briefcase before his wife charged toward him….

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him from morning until night. Breakfast was too late. The coffee was too weak. The tractor was too…

Paddy and Murphy were working on a building site one morning, and neither of them was particularly enthusiastic about finishing the day. It was hot, noisy, and…

A woman bought herself a beautiful pet parrot, imagining cheerful conversations, funny little phrases, and perhaps a friendly “Good morning” every day. Unfortunately, the parrot had other…

Every night before bed, a man had exactly the same routine. He brushed his teeth, checked that the doors were locked, poured himself a shot of whiskey…

A duck walked into a neighborhood bar one afternoon, hopped onto a stool and looked directly at the bartender. “Do you have duck food here?” The bartender…

A funeral service was being held for a woman who had recently passed away. The church was full of relatives, old friends and neighbors who had come…

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”…